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I am Salty The Beast. I am what you might call a Renaissance man, meaning I find interest in most every medium. I love watching movies, listening to music, writing music, playing video games, making videos, etc.

Monday, February 27, 2012

85 Oscarvations [2012 Edition]

So once again this year, I engaged in a fine game of Facebook News Feed blow-uppery as I posted a running commentary to coincide with the broadcasting of the Academy Awards. Oscarvations, as I call them, consist of my thoughts, feelings and bad jokes that I come up with while the award ceremony is going on. Some people were once again irritated with my incessant posting just like with last year’s Oscarvations, but I was shocked at how many people were getting just as involved as I was. By the time the show was over, my notification box probably needed an inhaler and fifteen minutes to catch its breath. And keep in mind that I was doing this work on an iPad, as my computer is still in the shop. The words ‘hectic’ and 'balancing act' come to mind rather quickly.

But anydangways, for those who follow the blog but not my Facebook (pronounced fah-chee-book...like an Italian word), hey, you’re in luck. Not only is your News Feed NOT completely saturated with my stupid ramblings, but you can still catch everything I posted right here...because I’m nice like that. For a list of all the nominations for the 84th Academy Awards (along with my disinterested thoughts), you can find that crap right here. Without further adieu, here are my 85 Oscarvations of 2012.

‎1. What the fudge?! Rose Byrne is British?

‎2. Correction: Rose Byrne is Australian. My bad.

‎3. Berenice Bejo actually talks...could've fooled me.

‎4. Jessica Chastain=Super excited

‎5. Demian Bichir=Most unrecognizable Best Actor nomination

‎6. Judd Apatow!!!

‎7. 21 Jump Street will NOT get Jonah Hill nominated. You heard it from the man himself.

‎8. Ryan Seacrest just got grazed by the ashes of Kim Jong Il.

‎9. I thought Sacha Baron Cohen was banned from showing up as the Dictator. Hmmm.

‎10. Wow. Justin Bieber + Midnight in Paris =weird combo

‎11. Tintin Billy Crystal shall haunt my dreams tonight.

‎12. Uggggggh. Texting at movies.

‎13. Tom Hanks is slightly less bloated than I remembered him in Larry Crowne. Good for him. :)

‎14. The Tree of Life DIDN'T win Cinematography?! Shenanigans!!

‎15. 2nd win for Hugo. Alright!

‎16. You can't handle the truth!!!

‎17. The Artist's first in a very very long line of wins.

‎18. The Iron Lady won Best Makeup? Hmm. First big upset of the night.

‎19. What's Adam Sandler doing within a 100 foot radius of the Oscars?

‎20. Moneyball (sadly) has no chance of winning Best Picture.

‎21. A Separation...called it.

‎22. It's funny that two of the supporting actress nominees have very iconic moments involving excrement in their respective films.

‎23. Aww, I wanna give Octavia Spencer a hug. :P

‎24. Fred Willard is awesome no matter what. He's like pizza
‎25. So the Wizard of Oz focus group was comprised of all the people that are normally in Christopher Guest films?

‎26. Bradley "The Moustache" Cooper

‎27. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo won something!!! Heck yes!

‎28. Rooney "The Roons" Mara

‎29. Hugo win #3

‎30. Hugo...no, HUgo!

‎31. Hugo win #4. Yah baby!

‎32. The Muppets are on!!!

‎33. Why aren't Statler and Waldorf there?!

‎34. I would love to see the Cirque de Soleil people when they're inebriated. That would be quite a show...

‎35. George Clooney's loving Cirque de Soleil.

‎36. It's spelled Cirque DU Soleil. Oops.

‎37. Looks like Undefeated is going...UNDEFEATED. BahahahahaSHUTTUP!

‎38. I've rarely seen Chris Rock with that much hair atop his head.

‎39. I think Chris Rock himself is an animated character.

‎40. Rango = Single trippiest animated film since Yellow Submarine

‎41. Emma Stone's height must be a visual effect.

‎42. Jonah Hill's expression just made my night.

‎43. Michael Bay restrained?

‎44. Hugo win #5. It's on a friggin' roll.

‎45. I feel really bad, cuz Nick Nolte AND Kenneth Branagh did really well in their movies. But Christopher Plummer's gonna win it.

‎46. Best Supporting Actor=The Old Man award

‎47. I love Christopher Plummer so much.

‎48. Christopher Plummer should narrate a documentary about penguins. His voice is like beautiful honey rolling down a hot roll

‎49. During the commercial break, an ad for Titanic played. Now I'm annoying my parents by singing "My Heart Will Go On"

‎50. Morgan Freeman's laugh made me smile real big.

‎51. Aww, it's Uggie from The Artist!

‎52. I was kinda disappointed by the nominees for Best Original Score this year

‎53. They totally misspelled Tintin like Tin Tin

‎54. The dumb one in Old School and the dumb one in The Hangover. Together at last.

‎55. It IS hard out here for a pimp.

‎56. Man or Muppet!

‎57. Bret McKenzie is now in Oscar winner! Somebody should get that guy a leggy blonde.

‎58. They played the single funniest part of The Descendants. Love it!

‎59. Hmm, The Descendants won. It was my close second after Moneyball.

‎60. Hehehe, mama's boy.

‎61. A silent movie...nominated for Best Screenplay...need I say more.

‎62. Woody Allen has been AWOL at all of the award shows.

‎63. Werner Herzog and his cool accent.

‎64. Hello Bridesmaids!

‎65. Hehehe, you see, it's all sexual innuendo.

‎66. Hello Unimportant Awards!

‎67. And by the last post, I mean the awards that go to things I was not able to see.

‎68. That is one brutal title for an animated short film.

‎69. I've really gotta pee at this point.

‎70. In a category that includes Alexander Payne, Terrence Malick, Woody Allen and freaking Marty himself...the guy with the funny French name wins.

‎71. "I have an Oscar." - Line of the night.

‎72. James Earl Jones WAS the guy inside the Darth Vader costume...just making that perfectly clear.

‎73. I liked The Rock's version of this song in Journey 2 ... And yes, I AM the only person in my age group who has seen that, thanks for noticing.

‎74. "You understand something that you didn't understand before about life." - seriously, he nailed what movies are all about for me. Bravo, Ed Norton.

‎75. George Clooney had better win this.

‎76. I just love Jean Dujardin's smile in The Artist.

‎77. Jean-ey boy!

‎78. I thought he was gonna make George Valentin say, "F!$@# YEAH!!!"

‎79. I always knew Cruella Deville was a man.

‎80. "Meryl. Mamma Mia."

‎81. Meryl Streep won over Viola Davis....mamma mia

‎82. I knew The Artist would win Best Picture...

‎83. They brought Uggie onstage!

‎84. I did not know Berenice Bejo was Michel Hazanavicius's wife. Learn something new every day

‎85. I was surprised at how much I ended up liking this Oscar show. Quite a few dark horse winners among the pack. But yeah, I'm done now. Sooooo goodnight everybody.

- STB

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